CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL BEN SHAPIRO ALL ABOUT BRETT KAVANAUGH'S COCK?

Daily

News / Daily 105 Views

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL BEN SHAPIRO ALL ABOUT BRETT KAVANAUGH'S COCK?

Daily

News / Daily 105 Views



We now have discovered the winner of the unofficial right-wing contest for who can provide you with the stupidest cause to say this week's New York Occasions piece on Brett Kavanaugh, which revealed another sexual assault accusation towards the person whose identify is pretty much synonymous with "rape van" in our minds, was pretend information.

Surprise, it is Ben Shapiro! He is simply disenchanted that no one has given a full accounting of what Brett Kavanaugh's penis appears like, whether there's something fun or thrilling about it, has it ever heard the wolf cry to the brand new corn moon, does it paint with all the colors of the wind, is it purple like an eggplant, does it appear as a lighthouse towards the horizon after the beating of a storm at sea?

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL BEN SHAPIRO ABOUT THE SHAPE OF BRETT KAVANAUGH'S COCK? OR MAYBE DRAW HIM A DOODLE OF BART O'KAVANAUGH'S DINGLE? AND IF YOU MAKE IT SCRATCH-N-SNIFF, BEN SHAPIRO THANKS YOU IN ADVANCE, ALLEGEDLY! ANYBODY GOT A 3-D PRINTER AROUND HERE?



SHAPIRO: We have now had a bevy of public figures in recent times who have had their genitalia described on national television by individuals who alleged sexual assault. Like Stormy Daniels famously described President Trump's genitalia ...

Think about you're frolicking by means of the woods and encounter a patch of mushrooms that seem like they're from a Nintendo recreation for youngsters. Oh no! Are they poisonous? DON'T EAT IT. Imagine you see one mushroom that's totally different from the remaining. Oh it isn't that it's "freakishly small," it's simply "smaller than average." However it has a bizarre type of disproportionate toadstool head, which sets it aside from the other mushrooms!

Oh yeah also it is literally coated by a kudzu-like thicket of Yeti Pubes, which is bizarre, as a result of why is this weird little mushroom coated by Yeti Pubes? What is that this, the ADDAMS FAMILY'S MUSHROOM PATCH?

Donald Trump's pubic hair, we expect Giphy

Anyway. Ben Shapiro, talkin' dicks:

Bill Clinton's genitalia, particulars of which have been talked about!

"There are no blemishes, there are not any moles, there are not any growths."

No one has yet described Kavanaugh's genit- -- now, that's not dispositive. Perhaps they have been generic, who knows!

Perhaps Brett Kavanaugh has a Hydrox-brand penis.

But the backside line is we have had no corroborating particulars on any of these tales. All of them apparently happened in public places with other witnesses out there, and not one witness has been there who corroborates any of those tales. It's unbelievable!

It's just unbelievable that no one will inform Ben Shapiro about Brett Kavanaugh's penis, if everyone's seen it a lot!

Additionally, there are corroborating witnesses, to multiple Brett Kavanaugh incident. As an alternative of wanting up links to show Ben Shapiro flawed, we'll just let Ben Shapiro show Ben Shapiro flawed, when he talks a few corroborating witness like six seconds later:

... a new report from a guy who says that he was at a party, and noticed a MALE seize Kavanaugh's penis, which, by the best way can be sexual assault ...

Until Brett Kavanaugh and the other dude have been each in on it. Fascinating how that is the half that bothers Shapiro probably the most, although. Brett Kavanaugh is the REAL victim, as a result of a BOY touched his wee wee! Consensually, in accordance with the story!

... and then thrust it into the hand of a female, who says she does not keep in mind the incident? It looks like you may keep in mind that incident. Just gonna put that out there! That in case you're a feminine innocently sitting at a celebration, and abruptly some dude comes and takes someone else's junk and thrusts it into your hand, it looks like that may be memorable!

Until she was passed out.

Permit us to, in all seriousness, clarify for Ben Shapiro, whose mom in all probability still does not permit him to go to parties and who might never have been around drunk school college students, how this probably went down. (Precise set off warning for we are about to explain what in all probability occurred right here.) Brett Kavanaugh was in all probability wasted, however coherent, like he was a couple years earlier in high school when he allegedly tried to rape Christine Blasey Ford. The victim was in all probability additionally wasted, but much much less coherent, which offered the fucked up entitled drunk-ass white boy rape tradition reasoning for why it was OK for Kavanaugh to do what he was about to do. Kavanaugh in all probability pulled his pants down, and he was in all probability shoving his junk in the sufferer's face, or pretending he was teabagging her, and considered one of his buddies doubtless grabbed his junk and put it in her hand.

This is how the Occasions put it:

A classmate, Max Stier, saw Mr. Kavanaugh together with his pants down at a unique drunken dorm social gathering, where pals pushed his penis into the hand of a female scholar.

Received it? The New York Occasions type of did not elaborate, however it is screamingly obvious to us that it in all probability went down largely like we simply described. In reality, that is actually the only method this story actually is sensible, and it follows that the victim would not keep in mind it. Trustworthy to God, we don't care what fucking political get together you belong to, you know we're not bullshitting right now. Every man reading that is conscious of the phenomenon of drunk dipshit guys drawing dicks on each other's faces once they're passed out. Now add a lady and a few sexual assault to the equation. Ta-da!

Trigger warning over.

No one has come forward to testify as to the magnificence, or even existence, of Brett Kavanaugh's penis, which suggests one factor, to Ben Shapiro, and it's that BITCHES BE LYIN'. (And hey, perhaps a bunch of parents did see it and the Washington DC police are engaged on composite sketches right how like "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS D-I-Okay?" It is also potential that Brett Kavanaugh's penis is just that unremarkable. We guess if it appeared like his silly face and if it had the same hairstyle as his stupid head, someone woulda stated so.)

Ben Shapiro is filled with shit, and perhaps he knows it and perhaps he does not, however this simply exhibits how certain kinds of men will do literally something to throw a cloud over any accuser who threatens to out certainly one of their compatriots as a serial sexual assaulter. We doubt there's really any individual alive who thinks that the majority rapes and sexual assaults start with a magnifying glass examination of the perp's penis, and again, in Kavanaugh's case, even when all these individuals noticed it -- and it feels like they did! -- the form, circumference and common zest for life of Bart's whiskey dick simply actually didn't sear itself into their reminiscences.

All of that being stated, we guess Brett Kavanaugh has a very dumb dick.

And on that observe, OPEN THREAD!

Comply with Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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